kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Randomize
