my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
