dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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