I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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