Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
