Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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