i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
