I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
