yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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