We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's shark week go big or go home
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
