She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
