Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
