yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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