Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
