Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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