so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
