So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
