just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
