She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
