so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
