Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
