R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
