He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize