If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she pinky promised me she was 18
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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