Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
