you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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