If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
