she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
