Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
