So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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