woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize