I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
