I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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