I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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