Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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