now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
