My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
