I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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