Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
