I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
