you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
