There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
