FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
