He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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