woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
