Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
