I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
