He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
