thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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