All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
