Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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