I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
