I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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