I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
