So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
