You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize