ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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