What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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