...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize