we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
