after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
